Captain Marvel's Lament

"Captain Marvel's Lament" MP3

Lyrics: jwgh

Arrangement: Not R

from an idea by Kibo / Cat Stevens

Album: The Last Days Of The Crazy People's Supermarket

jwgh wrote the following after Kibo described a Cat Stevens song he had just heard. Not R later set it to music.

    I used to cry because I have no gloves 
    Then I met a man who had no brane 
    And it makes me think about my luck 
    HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO EXPLAIN! 

    And if I ever lose my hands 
    You'll see me jumping around 
    Yelling, "MY HANDS! MY HANDS! MY HANDS! 
    OW! JEEZ! WHERE ARE MY HANDS?" 

    Because I'm lucky just to have my hands. 
    You see? 
    I'm lucky just to have my hands. 

    And if I ever lose my legs 
    You'll see my rolling around 
    Yelling, "MY LEGS! MY LEGS! MY LEGS! 
    WHAT'S NEXT, MY FREAKIN' NOSE?" 

    Because I'm lucky just to have my legs. 
    You see? 
    I'm lucky just to have my legs. 

    And if I ever lose my ears 
    You'll see me walking around 
    With a quizzical look on my face 
    Saying, "EH? HUH? WHAT'D YOU SAY? 
    I'M SORRY, I HAVE NO EARS! SPEAK UP!" 

    Because I'm lucky just to have my ears. 
    You see? 
    I'm lucky just to have my ears. 

    And if I ever lose my tongue 
    You'll see me running around 
    Humming, "Hmm! Hmm! HMMmMMM HMmMM! 
    HMM HMM HM HMM HMM!" 

    Hmm hmm hmm HMMMmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmm. 
    Hmmm hmm? 
    Hmm HMMmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. 

Alternate Verse jwgh further notes: Also, the following third verse was originally rejected for having a bit too much of the obvious bag about it, but it may have a certain something.

    And if I ever lose my privates 
    You'll see me running around 
    Screaming, "GAAAAAAAAAAA 
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 
    AAAAH!" 

    Because I'm lucky just to have my privates. 
    You have NO idea. 
    I'm lucky just to have my privates. 

Of course, that would probably lose us some radio play. BOURGEOIS PIGS! I SPIT ON YOUR MIDDLE-CLASS MORALITY! I MAKE WEE-WEE JOKES AT YOUR WEDDING CEREMONIES, SPAWN OF ACCOUNTANTS!