Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

Casey B suggested that Interrobang Cartel might one day record several songs that would later be covered by famous bands and performers as part of an Interrobang Cartel tribute album:

    On Mon, 5 May 2003 12:31:29 +0100, "[[Paddy Smith]]" <pjsmith40 at hotmail.com> had the unmitigated audacity to say: 

    Just found this - the BBC have apparently been leaked the tracklisting from the new Interrobang Cartel double flexidisc album: 

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/2996793.stm 

    Does '[[Rules of Naked Petanque]]' signify a prog-rock change of direction for the combo? It sounds ominously like a high-concept (i.e. gatefold) Yes pastiche. Whereas '[[Static Caravan Fan Club]]' is surely a spin-off solo project for a disaffected marimba player. 

    Nah, man, the way I figure it, this has fallen through a wormhole. Yes, in a vision unnervingly Wyld-Stalyn-like, we can see the future of Interrobang Cartel in the track-listing of this album - recorded in 2008 by several "old-timers" in tribute to the genius of the Cartel. 

    As near as I can figure it:
  1. Walking With Woodlice - Interrobang Cartel (previously unreleased)
  2. Sausage Calories - Chemical Brothers
  3. Monkey Origami - Supergrass (or possibly Ash)
  4. Queen's Blue Peter Badges - Blur
  5. Black Pudding Throwing - Oasis
  6. Hedgehog Houses - Beck
  7. Ham Sandwich Digestion - The Mamas And The Papas(reformation)
  8. Rules Of Naked Petanque - Stephen Malkmus
  9. Love Of Stones - Black Crowes
  10. UK Places With 'Z' In The Name - They Might Be Giants
  11. How To Be A Texas Ranger - R.E.M.
  12. Tropical Fish Euthanasia - Radiohead
  13. Virtual Geese Honking - Squarepusher
  14. Zebra Races - Flaming Lips
  15. Walking Stick Making - Johnny Cash
  16. Zoo Heaven - The Avalanches
  17. Static Caravan Fan Club - Godspeed You! Black Emperor
  18. Washing Crystal Balls - David Bowie
  19. Hedgerow Hypothesis - King Crimson
  20. Staffordshire Bull Terrier Portraits - XTC 

    Of course, my crystal ball may not be very clear.... hey, that gives me an idea for a song! 

    Now, if we refuse to write any of these songs, will we distort the fabric of time and space? Are such time-travel paradoxes resolvable? Is the plural of paradox paradoxes? Discuss. 

    Love, 

    Casey B

Talysman later issued a challenge to complete all the lyrics for the huge pile of song titles people had suggested as the next Interrobang Cartel song. Unwilling to simply issue challenges without contributing, he churned out lyrics for most of the 20 songs listed; he also recorded Sausage Calories, Zoo Heaven, and a rough cut of Virtual Geese Honking as avant-garde sound collages.

Tim Chmielewski wrote alternate versions for Zebra Races, Hedgehog Houses, Tropical Fish Euthanasia and Monkey Origami.

Talysman's MP3s list the album title as "All Hail ?!: The Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album", which puts the Cartel in the odd position of recording a tribute to themselves. Here's how that came about: Sometime in 2005, IBC's record company issued "All Hail ?!: IBC Tribute Album". The accompanying press release described it as "a tribute to one of the music industry's finest bands, performed by world-reknowned artists and groups who credit IBC as one of their primary influences" but went on to say "the performers, in honor of IBC's paramount position in the musical stratosphere, have chosen to remain anonymous for this recording". This resulted in a frenzy of speculation among IBC fans worldwide, who eventually agreed (with near, but not complete, unanimity) that Tropical Fish Euthanasia was done by Radiohead, Hedgerow Hypothesis by King Crimson, etc., etc. And supposedly "Walking Stick Making" was the last song ever recorded by the late Johnny Cash.

And then someone said, "Isn't it uncanny how so many of those bands managed to have their vocalist sound so much like Casey?" and someone else said, "Hey, wait a minute..."

And sure enough, the hoax was exposed: The "world-reknowned" artists who had recorded the IBC tribute album were the members of IBC themselves, doing pastiches of nineteen other artists (and themselves). Predictably, about half the IBC fan base was outraged, burning their CDs (literally burning) in protest, boycotting the band's concerts, threatening to sue the band and the record company and Apple Computer, while the other half just sat back and had a good hard laugh.

But the final joke happened a few years later, when a reissue of "All Hail" came out. Someone said, "Hey, that doesn't sound quite like Casey..." And sure enough, it wasn't: the bands that had been imitated in the tribute album had secretly recorded their own versions of the songs as a genuine tribute album. Except for Cash, of course, whose place was taken by some guy who by then had made an international name for himself as a Johnny Cash impersonator (and whose idea the project was, actually).

Or something like that.

Black Pudding Throwing

Ham Sandwich Digestion

Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Recorded as announced on LiveJournal need to get the mp3 not sure who did so.

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

when you're in the mood for some food and take a break
to make yourself a simple lunch,
keep this in mind: when you find the speed to feed
your need for something to munch,
about digestion, there really is no question,
it's useful whenever you eat,
if it's bread, or if it's meat, or even squeat!
when you make haste for a taste of meat to heat
and eat, a ham sandwich is great,
and I think you might like to bite a little bit
of it and put it back on your plate,
sammich digestion, this is my suggestion,
is useful whenever you eat,
if it's bread, or if it's meat, or even squeat!
when you have a bunch of lunch that you must chew,
please do, and try to take your time,
just let the bolus thrive on your saliva, swallow all
the ball, enjoy the taste sublime,
it will finally rest in your small intestine,
which dissolves whatever you eat,
if it's bread, or if it's meat, or even squeat!
EVEN SQUEAT!

Hedgehog Houses

Hedgerow Hypothesis

How To Be A Texas Ranger

MP3 Files

Lyrics: Talysman

Arrangement: Casey B

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

Lyrics

I told you I would pack my colt, yeah
and I slammed the door behind me
well I never thought I could be stampeded
always thought it was you I needed
and maybe it's still the same, yeah
but I know how to be a texas ranger
when I have to be
I thought you were my kimosabe, yeah
when you rode around on your high horse
well I never thought I could be stampeded
always thought it was you I needed
and maybe tonto is my name, yeah
but I know how to be a texas ranger
when I have to be
well, I always thought we'd fight the world together
always thought we'd never be apart
but I knew I had to slip out of your tether
when you put a silver bullet through my heart
I said I could never stand against you, yeah
if you kept on coming after my every word
well I never thought I could be stampeded
always thought it was you I needed
and maybe I'm to blame, yeah
but I know how to be a texas ranger
when I have to be
and I have to be

Love Of Stones

Monkey Origami

(MP3)

Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Arrangement: Charlie and Major Zed

Vocals: Charlie

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

well, I met a girl
made my head whirl, so I gave her a twirl
she was only sixteen
but I was, too, so I thought it was keen
but I didn't know
she was in it for the monkey origami
she was in it for the monkey origami
she wanted to fold what I wanted to hold
she was in it for the monkey origami
she was in it for the monkey origami
oh no, I'm her paper doll,
her launcelot link she can dress in pink
oh no, I'm a disposable toy,
her personal boy she only wants to annoy
well, I didn't know
love can flow in one direction you know
she was only kidding
she thought I was, too, thought it was only a fling
but she didn't know
I wasn't in it for the monkey origami
I wasn't in it for the monkey origami
us romantic apes don't want to make paper shapes
we're not in it for the monkey origami
we're not in it for the monkey origami
oh no, I'm a serious dQQd
I'm not a plaything with a ding-a-ling
oh no, I'm a serious guy
love makes me high, don't need to ask why
I'm not in it for the monkey origami
I'm not in it for the monkey origami
like some other apes are

Queen's Blue Peter Badges

(MP3)

Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Arrangement: Charlie

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

Lyrics

I thought I did good
I got my name on telly
sent in my letter
they sent a badge to me

I was just a kid
but I felt neater
they showed my idea
on blue peter
it was me and a hundred other kids, yeah
but we earned our badges, yes we did, yeah
we thought we were famous, thought we'd made the scene
then they gave another badge to the freakin' queen
I thought I was good
I was a special breed
I got a big head
they had planted a seed
I went to med school
I felt cocksure
I fueled my ego
with exposure
it was me and a hundred other kids, yeah
but we earned our badges, yes we did, yeah
we thought we were famous, thought we'd made the scene
then they gave another badge to the freakin' queen
a gold blue peter badge for the freakin' queen
a gold blue peter badge for the freakin' queen

Rules Of Naked Petanque

Sausage Calories

(MP3)

Lyrics, Sound Collage: Talysman

Title by Paddy Smith / The BBC

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

88 Calories in Beef, Cured, Sausage. Cooked, Smoked.
blood sausage is 95 calories.
52 Calories in Honey Roll Sausage, Beef.
sausages should be fixed without milk, to avoid the fat,
nor should you cut the sausage nor cut the cheese.
houdini venison sausages can escape any danger,
french omlette sausages are fluffy like chickens.
sausages get crabby when exposed to gamma rays
or told to paint their toenails.
sausages, frankfurters, hot dogs, bratwurst
meat meat meat
you can associate sausages with visions of childhood
or even spankings
once you make a sausage, you can cook it
once you cook a sausage, you can eat it
once you eat a sausage, you can assume its form.
I once saw a man eaten alive on a sausage safari.
a full-grown sausage can strip the flesh from a medium-sized man
in a small amount of time.
88 Calories in Beef, Cured, Sausage. Cooked, Smoked.
blood sausage is 95 calories.
52 Calories in Honey Roll Sausage, Beef.
once you make a sausage, you can cook it
once you cook a sausage, you can eat it

Staffordshire Bull Terrier Portraits

Static Caravan Fan Club

((vocal version)MP3) ((instrumental) MP3)

Lyrics / Arrangement / Vocals: Talysman Instrumental Arrangement: Charlie

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

(spoken word over creepy cellos)

Oh, yes, and strains caused by my anti-godism. I am not concerned with one of the dead or their sore-losers' malevolence, they have tried to attach themselves to me in a dysfunctional static caravan fan club...

Oh, yes, and I have long been a non-flaming poster--as clueless as I am by definition; that means your reality as you see in my "fan club" or feel in the distinction between alt.usenet.kooks regulars and the "kooks" whose static words entertain the regulars, is strictly illusory anyway, so I don't think *anyone*, even the most famous human cockroach or caravan fans, dives under your misconceptions...

Oh, yes, and strains can spread confusion and lack of western words to entertain the regulars. And there were voices, and the "kooks" whose static words entertain the mind of lost references. Please allow my static caravan fan club to congratulate myself on the table.

Oh, yes, and bolt your doors, caravan fans, and dive under your bed, 'cause we're sure as hell ain't going to kiss you if you read my articles of the dead, that troubling distinction between your misconceptions about a sore-losers' malevolence and a city that is like unto a hat. Further--and this point is key for me as a net writer--is that you don't own salt.

Oh, yes, and someone may be responding to someone's perverted fantasy about me with my "Flame Giant". I can feel the lead. There is no question (by anyone's counting) that I stopped using the figures for the "big hairy man" persona because it involves devising comic results with my eyes.

Oh, yes, and bolt your doors, caravan fans, and listen to the thunderings. Bolt your doors, dive under your beds. Please allow my static caravan fan club to kiss you... a champion writer will vanish into a hat.

Tropical Fish Euthanasia

UK Places With 'Z' In The Name

Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Recording by Casey B in progress

Recording by Major Zed: (MP3)

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

I was watching cable last night
lost in history on my tv
when a very pressing question in my brane
reminded me of geography orthography
and a riddle of a problem that once puzzled me
of UK places spelled with Z
with Z -- that's "zed" when said by british folks
who live in that country

it's funny how these questions come
into my brane like a chain
of linked ideas that try to puzzle me
again and again, it's quite insane
and a riddle of a problem that seems inane
becomes my sole refrain
refrain -- that's a chorus in some songs
you can sing if you don't refrain
could someone tell me in engerland
any placenames spelt with zed?
until you do, this song will run
in circles in my head
someday I may set out on a trip
so that I can see what I can see
in the united kingdom, overseas
to find an answer finally scientifically
to a riddle of a problem that now puzzles me
of UK places spelled with Z
with Z -- that's "zed" when said by british folks
who live in that country

Virtual Geese Honking

(MP3)

Sound Collage: Talysman

Guitar/Keyboards: jwgh

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

"Virtual Geese Honking" is a sound collage composed for the proposed Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album suggested by Casey B and Paddy Smith (as an elaboration on a list of least-popular search keywords published by the BBC.) Talysman then created a "rough cut" that actually does include the sounds of geese honking jwgh added keyboard and guitar parts to flesh out the track.

Walking Stick Making

Walking With Woodlice

(MP3)

Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Arrangement: Doctroid

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

george came down to meet me the other day
just for a short vacation, he said he couldn't stay
he had to go back home to a distant galaxy
back to his home planet (he called it Planet Z)

he was a woodlouse
a rolly-poly with a giant brane
I fainted when I first saw him
because I thought I'd gone insane
but george would never hurt me
as he later would explain
to harm a sentient being
would cause him telepathic pain
george and I went walking the other day
we went out for a stroll and the hours flew away
he wanted conversation and enjoyed my company
he had never met a mammal back on Planet Z
'cause he's a woodlouse
a rolly-poly with a jointed shell
I fainted when I first saw him
but he turned out to be real swell
oh, george would never hurt me
it would put him through such hell
all he asked was my friendship
and to walk a little spell
(spoken):

(I guess I should explain that technically, george wasn't really a pillbug, sowbug, rolly-poly, or any other kind of woodlouse, he just reminded me of one with his articulated carapace, beady, multifaceted eyes, and multiple legs. george explained to me that his people evolved from what we would call trilobites, which is a kind of paleozoic arthropod. but he never told me much more than that, because he suddenly shrieked with pleasure and ran over to a rotting log, which he began to munch on gleefully.)

george said goodbye to me the other day
when we had finished walking and he had had his say
he thanked me for my hospitality
he told me I should someday visit Planet Z
and walk with woodlice
aliens with public speaking skill
I won't faint when I next see them
it will seem like such a thrill
george said he'd come back to get me
as he vanished up on that hill
and I really do believe that
if I wait for him, he will
it's been a week now since he left me
and I am waiting still

Washing Crystal Balls

(MP3) Lyrics: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Arrangement: Major Zed

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

someone dropped my future in creamy cheese sauce
now my fortune's smudged!
(fortune's smudged)
reply hazy, answer unclear,
my plans are ruined for another year

you're a fine girl
you make my toenails curl,
so don't give up on me!
sweet cherry,
my life is kind of scary,
please wash the stain from my destiny!
I see illusions of the life I'd like to lead
in my crystal ball!
(crystal ball)
but now it's dirty and unclean,
please, let me use your washing machine
you're a sweet child,
you're gentle but wild,
I wish you'd hear my plea!
sweet cherry,
I know that you feel wary,
but wash the stain from my destiny!

Zebra Races

Zoo Heaven

"Zoo Heaven" (MP3)

Sound Collage: Talysman

Title: Paddy Smith / The BBC

Album: Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album

"Zoo Heaven" is a sound collage composed for the proposed Interrobang Cartel Tribute Album suggested by Casey B and Paddy Smith. It actually clocks in rather long for an Interrobang Cartel song; Talysman is considering redoing an abridged version for easier download.

The "lyrics" of the composition consist of Talysman repeating "welcome to the zoo... welcome to heaven", interspersed by sound samples from various sources, including a '50s educational film, an unaired TV pilot, and a christian driver's education film.