.............. Needs More Wanger

Needs More Wanger


Needs More Wanger is the title of Interrobang Cartel's first album. By July of 2003, a half-dozen songs had been recorded by various Interrobang Cartel folk; Tim Chmielewski suggested that a CD be put together to send to "Weird Al" Yankovic and Dr. Demento.

Over the next couple of months, more songs were written and recorded, CD designs were proposed and discarded, and the name Needs More Wanger was decided on for the name of the CD. It was eventually officially released on 20 September 2003.

It was assembled by jwgh and had cover art by Kibo. Not R provided some advice on the ordering of the tracks. Strangely enough, we didn't send a copy to Weird Al. Sorry, Al.

We did send copies to the following places:

A web page was put together so that googling for Needs More Wanger would find it which contains instructions on making ones own copy of the CD plus an alternative track ordering.

Why 'Needs More Wanger'?

The phrase first came up in a response Dean Lenort made to the Free Your Cones song:

INSTANT REVIEW: Needs more wanger. Other than that, bang up job.

Later, when Talysman the Ur-Beatle submitted Track 8, in the ID3 tag for album title he put 'Needs More Wanger'. ZIP DRIVE CLICK OF DETH liked this enough that he ended up using it as the working album title for the CD.

Song Credits

Lyrics: jwgh, Arrangement: Not R
Lyrics: Casey B (from a dream by Gokmop the Irrefrangible), Arrangement: Casey B
Lyrics: Stacia, Arrangement: jwgh
Lyrics: jwgh, Arrangement: Casey B
Lyrics & Arrangement: Kerri
Lyrics: Stacia, Arrangement: Not R
Lyrics: Casey B (from a dream by Gokmop the Irrefrangible), Arrangement: jwgh, Nose Flute Solo: Jeremy D. Impson
Arrangement: Talysman the Ur-Beatle
Lyrics: Matt McIrvin, Arrangement: Casey B
Lyrics & Arrangement: Shiro Akaishi, Vocals: Not R, Assorted Vocalizations: JPB, jwgh, Kerri
Lyrics & Arrangement: Casey B
Lyrics: Casey B (from a dream by Gokmop the Irrefrangible), Arrangement: jwgh
Lyrics: Eddie Hi There Lowther, Arrangement: Casey B
Lyrics: Karlo X, Arrangement: jwgh

The Robot Song

MP3 Files:

Lyrics: jwgh

Album: Needs More Wanger Arrangement, version 1: Casey B Arrangement, version 2: Not R

Album: The Barflies Soundtrack Arrangement, version 3: Casey B, Performance: Charlie, Rebecca, Tony, and Mike

Shortly after Interrobang Cartel was formed in 2003, there was a general call for lyrics. ZIP happened to have some lyrics about robots lying around that he had written for another purpose, so he contributed them.

Casey B and Not R then recorded two very different interpretations of the lyrics (the 'Data version' and the 'Dalek version') and things were off and running.

Both recordings of The Robot Song appeared on Interrobang Cartel's first CD, Needs More Wanger.

The Robot Song

I used to work at the mall
Selling robots wall to wall
Ones that cleaned and entertained
A robot chef, a robot maid
Then one night on a dare
I made my robots self-aware
And it wasn't really planned,
But now the robots rule the land
And we're happier than we've ever been

There was fighting, sure, at first
When the bots conquered the Earth
All the people thought we're doomed
That by robots we'd be consumed
But we humans had no chance
Robots stunned us with a glance
And after the human's final stand
It was the robots ruled the land
Now we're happier than we've ever been
That's the last war that we've seen
By decree of robot queen
All the studies now do show
That at ruling, humans blow
Law's more carefully applied
With a logic-loving guide
Now with an impartial hand
It's the robots rule the land
Now we're happier than we've ever been

External Links

Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth

(MP3 Files)
Lyrics: Casey B - from a dream by Gokmop the Irrefrangible
  • version 1: Casey B
  • version 2, version 3: jwgh
  • Nose flute on version 3: Jeremy Impson
  • Album: Needs More Wanger

    Gokmop the Irrefrangible (aka John D Salt) wrote in April 2003:

    I had an odder-than-usual dream last night.
    It involved a parlour-game, which I should think would need quite a large and well-furnished parlour for the game to work successfully.
    The game is called "Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth". It needs numerous players of all sexes to play it, and somebody called Mrs. Farnsworth, who carries a plate of cakes and distributes them among the party.
    The object of the game is for pairs of players to secretly have sex with each other without being noticed, and then shout "pumpkin!" before Mrs. Farnsworth can offer them a cake.
    It all seemed much less impractical in my dream than it does now.
    I expect some bloody Freudian will come along with their psychoanalysis hat on in a minute and claim that dreaming about secret sex acts in a well-furnished parlour is symbolical of some kind of repressed fascination with railway engines, or something.

    This inspired Casey B to write some lyrics based on the dream. And there things sat until mid-July 2003, at which time (unbeknownst to each other) Casey B and jwgh each recorded an interpretation of the lyrics:

    The London Share House Mix, Casey's version, which has sort of a mellow punkish flavor, and The English Country Garden Mix, jwgh's version, which is more folkish and angsty (because, jwgh explains, "I am JUST NOT THAT PUNK.")

    A week later jwgh assembled another version which has the same melody and structure as his first version. This new version incorporated some nose flute samples that Jeremy D. Impson contributed to the Interrobang Cartel Cause and became known as:

    The Spaghetti West End Mix (so dubbed by Casey B because of the strange backing vocals which reminded him of the soundtrack to "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly" and other spaghetti westerns).

    All three recordings were included in Interrobang Cartel's first album, Needs More Wanger.


    (to be sung/shouted in bog-English)

    Meet me by the bookshelf
    at the south end of the room
    Slip behind the sofa
    in the early evening gloom
    Tongue my genitalia,
    make me shudder, make me shake:
    Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth!
    I now require a cake.
    We might just sit together
    drinking tea and making time:
    Such delightful weather!
    Why, the company's sublime!
    Can you lean a little that way?
    If you just... oh yes... that's nice...
    Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth!
    I need a second slice.
    I'll sneak behind my brother
    As he gazes at the lawn
    With lib'ral use of butter
    he'll forgive me in the morn.
    For here it's win, or pack it in,
    you're either champ or chump:
    Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth,
    if kin are there to pump.
    And no-one knows, and so it goes,
    all night and into day:
    Pumpkin, Mrs. Farnsworth!
    (In fact, just leave the tray.)

    Pigskin Loofah

    (MP3: Rip Cut) (MP3: Buzz Cut)

    Lyrics: Stacia

    Arrangement: jwgh (Rip Cut), Not R (Buzz Cut)

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    Stacia wrote the lyrics in April 2003. jwgh then recorded a bluesy version (the Rip Cut) and Not R recorded a more punkish version (the Buzz Cut) in July of 2003.


    Your shit it stinks
    It's freezer cold
    White collar bimbo
    Corporate limbo

    Fucking wicker furniture and doilies
    Doesn't hide a soul that's oily
    You chap my ass
    Like a pigskin loofah
    College graduate
    Hotel management
    Put your change
    In your 401K
    Investment brokers are portfolio pimps
    Internet wunderkinds with the brains of chimps
    You chap my ass
    Like a pigskin loofah
    Little bo pig won't you come out and play
    Need the power of the pig to exfoliate my mind

    Young Human Body Transplant 13

    Chalice of Fire



    Lyrics: Matt Mc Irvin

    Arrangement: Casey B

    Nose flute: Jeremy Impson

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    (comments from ZIP: "Chalice of Fire was the first of Matt Mc Irvin's lyrics to be set to music (by Casey B). Matt describes how this song came to be:

    SUPER AMAZING JULY 2003 NEWS FLASH: A.r.k's own Casey B. recorded "Chalice of Fire"!

    Note: The day before my wedding in July 2000, there appeared the eagerly awaited fourth Harry Potter book, which was something about a goblet of fire. They can't fool me; obviously it was actually a chalice. Apparently the nostalgic exercise reproduced below was actually a prescient glimpse of fin-de-siècle mania. I am better at forecasting trends than Trend Forecaster Barbie!

    Either that or I was just accidentally pretending to be Unitarian.

    I should also mention that I was definitely imagining the instrumental bridge of my song as having been lifted from the Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra." But since it was all in my head, they can't sue me! The true Napster is in your mind!

    By the way, Karlo Takki's quoted power ballad was the brilliant result of a challenge to write a song from vocabulary taken entirely from the headers of some post.

      Subject: Re: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH QQ?
      From: Matt McIrvin <mmcirvin@world.std.com>
      Date: Mon, 24 Nov 1997 01:30:47 GMT
      Karlo Takki <ktakki@artcrime.com> wrote:
         [slow metal Guns 'n' Roses-like power ballad in E min.]
         [singer MUST have shirt unbuttoned to waist -- THIS IS IMPORTANT]
         Any subject, any date,
         I can do this for you.
         Any lines, any path,
         I can do this for you.
         Jan, if I can, if I may,
         I can be,
         With you.
         With you.

    Aw, man, I hate how now these days all songs have to be about love or something. I miss the Eighties. In the Eighties you could have that kind of song, but you could also sing a song that was about absolutely nothing at all and made no sense, and nobody would even think that you were cerebral or quirky or David Byrne, provided that every individual word in the song was a sufficiently rad-i-kool word.

    As evidence I offer the following unrecorded song, which I wrote on the tour bus while I was the lead singer of "The Fixx," shortly before I quit and joined "Loverboy" because they had a better dental plan and more POW-WUH. I now consider this to be the anthem of a generation. Maestro?

    An unrelated group of people had an entertaining and horrified discussion about the song which I recommend reading as well.")


    [synthetic throbbing and percussion]

    She runs in the shadow of a motorized race
    The light of the fire in an enemy's face
    The moon flies a shiver of electrical night
    There's lace in the leather and it makes it all right
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running on a serious wire
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running through a chalice of fire
    There's a shot on the water and a bolt in the heart
    Mind over matter is the dangerous part
    And the line in the mirror is a sliver of steel
    Now she remembers how the innocent feel
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running on a serious wire
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running through a chalice of fire
    A laser in the night
    We bring it to the fight
    Whether we're WRONG OR RIIIIIGGGHT--
    [cool noises for about twenty seconds]
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running on a serious wire
    Ohhhh, and you're running
    Running through a chalice of fire
    [repeat and fade out]


    CB comments:
    Hold on to your leg-warmers...
    This is the Vangelis-meets-Ultravox-with-Simon-Le-Bon-on-vocals version.
    AFAIK, there are other versions coming.
    Oh, and the lyrics are here:
    http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/kibology/eighties.html (this site does not exist except in archive.org)
    And.... sorry.
    Casey B

    Not to be confused with Lee "Scratch" Perry's 1982 reggae song, Chalice a Fire.



    Lyrics, Arrangement: Kerri

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    Kerri recorded a song called "Beep" and provides the following commentary:

        I submit to you for inclusion in some Interröbang Cartel thingie, the following song. It is called, intuitively enough, "Beep". 
        It's a commentary on how ANNOYING life is with all the things we have beeping at us. The timer, the alarm clock, the computer, the phone, and EVERYTHING ELSE. I'm sure it will make sense, in a lyrical context. 

    The lyrics are as follows:

    : Beep.

    (MP3 here.)

    320 World


    Lyrics, Arrangement: Akaishi

    Vocals: Not R

    additional vocals by Kerri and jwgh

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    Chorus will be shouted by everyone within the venue in which it is played.

    ;; Fear, platter of the day
    nineteen bucks but more tomorrow!
    ;; Hurry out and make a fuss
    We love it all more share for us
    Chase a car! Crash a truck!
    People die, why give a fuck?
    ;; Death! Death!
    Destruction! Death!
    ;; <Cut instruments, distorted & spoken (preferably by geraldo)> And now, Here's kittens! </d&d>
    ;; Here's a drug to make you live
    Not tested yet, hope U got time
    Sign up today, be a test case!
    Might save your life, might kill you faster
    Just hope we got exclusive rights
    To show you what'll happen after...
    ;<drum, guitar fill-in>
    ;; Great new bug on the east coast
    Death toll's rising, what's it matter?
    Smile a little wider bitch!
    You live in california anyway!
    So here's the tall guy
    on the scene! Gasmask, flak vest
    He's protected. Man with a gun!
    Get the tape! Splattered brains!
    Bring it live! Film at 11!
    ;<musical interlude>
    ;<cut short>
    ;<crowd goes wild>

    The George Hammond Conspiracy



    Song Info

    Lyrics, Arrangement: Casey B

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    On June 30th, 2002, scientific divinity theorist George Hammond proclaimed thusly:

    "It took 4 years before Einstein's theory was recognized. I'm in my third year of publication (on the internet). That makes one year to go before I'm headline news in every newspaper in the world. "

    Sadly, on June 30th, 2003, George Hammond was not headline news in every newspaper in the world. For those who wanted the truth - for those who could handle the truth - Interrobang Cartel released "The George Hammond Conspiracy" on that day.


    When physics meets religion
    there are sceptics all around
    for some it's superstition
    and for some it's holy ground
    But George Hammond was a patient man
    he churned and turned the sod
    and in the earth he found the proof
    the Scientific Proof of God
    When physics meets religion
    there are sets of rolling eyes
    too hard to seek the truth of proof
    too hard despising lies
    but George found the solution
    where no-one else had trod
    the perfect space, the simple place,
    the Scientific Proof of God
    it's the George Hammond conspiracy
    the truth that they won't let you see
    no matter what they say
    it's the George Hammond conspiracy
    but behind the cloak of secrecy
    it's always been that way
    When commerce meets instruction
    and commercials must be run
    there are sponsors to be honoured
    there are things that must be done
    there are stories to be trumpeted
    and stories to protect
    but don't think we're not aware now
    don't think we're not aware now
    don't think we're not aware now
    greater intellect
    it's the Flynn Effect
    When physics meets religion
    there are secrets by the score
    there are those with firm investments
    in the politics of war
    but before we trawl the deserts
    with the high divining rod
    we should think instead of what George said
    the Scientific Proof of God
    it's the George Hammond conspiracy
    the truth that they won't let you see
    no matter what they say
    it's the George Hammond conspiracy
    but behind the cloak of secrecy
    it's Equation Of The Day
    it's a brand new way to pray
    and it's always been that way

    The George Hammond conspiracy continues to this day.



    Lyrics: Eddie "Hi There" Lowther

    Arrangement: Casey B

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    Eddie "Hi There" Lowther wrote these lyrics on April 17 2003, basing them in part on IRS and State of Maryland regulations concerning the distribution of liquor. Casey B then recorded them a week later. This recording was included on Interrobang Cartel's first CD, Needs More Wanger.

    Its title sometimes appears in all caps and sometimes with only the first letter capitalized, and sometimes with a final ':' and other times without. In the original post containing its lyrics the title was given as 'COMAR:'.


    "A!" A quote Supplier will be licensed
    or a dealer or wholesaler
    of a brand of wine or distiller
    of spirits
    or just a seller to a dealer
    or wholesaler here in MARYLAND
    (Instrumental solo - Accordian)
    "Bee!" If Mr. S got to change licensed wholesaler or franchiser
    to sell some kind of wine or something that is finer
    He's gotta give thirty days.
    (Gotta give thirty days)
    Of notice of this intention
    (Gotta give thirty days?)
    Registered mail!
    (Gotta give, gotta give)
    To Alchohol and Tobacco Tax Unit!
    If you, Mr. C. discontinue sale of wine
    (Or gotta quit something finer)
    Give the man 30 days again
    (But gotta mention new supplier)
    Indeedy Section "D" (Please sample Ben Stein for this line. Only)
    If they say that thirty down
    is crushing you in town
    Comptroller comptroller comptroller.
    Proof of spirits - put writing
    don't get lawyers - no fighting!
    Circumstances warrant - potato fluid not for lighting!
    "Eeeeeee!" (fade to...)
    ...affected by the procedure set forth in this regulation
    which is in the outgoing wholesaler's inventory on vacation.
    On or before the conclusion of this notice period
    shall be purchased and paid for by the supplier or incoming wholesaler
    at the laid-in cost of the out-going wholesaler
    before the in-coming wholesaler is allowed to distribute the product
    in the Maryland market.
    (deep breath)
    If a supplier, other than the current brand owner or authorized agent,
    acquires a brand and wants to designate a wholesaler other than the existing wholesaler,
    the supplier may not file the brand under Regulation .05 of this chapter,
    until the supplier or incoming wholesaler has purchased the inventory of the outgoing
    wholesaler at the laid-in cost of the outgoing wholesaler.
    "Section F & G" Ignore those rules if they don't apply!

    Free Your Cones


    Lyrics: Karlo X / Dean Lenort

    Arrangement: jwgh

    Album: Needs More Wanger

    Dean Lenort suggested that a song sketch Karlo X posted a while ago be fleshed out and made use of. ZIP DRIVE CLICK OF DETH then made a demo recording of it. Here's what Dean had to say about it:

    ;Karlo is the man you really need for this effort as he is Kibology's undisputed
    king of rockenroll. I'm sure you'll agree when you look at the snippets of
    Kibological lyrics that I've included below. The entire post can be found at:
    Message-ID: 8F9FBB5Cktakki@
    but I've helpfully included the part you'll need to get started on the lyrics.
    ; SINGER: So, I was sitting by the river...
    SINGER: ...and there was this lonely orange cone...
    SINGER: ...and I wrote these lyrics...
    SINGER: [picks up acoustic and starts strumming out-of-tune chords]
    SINGER: [singing] ...the cones, the cones, we set them free...
    SINGER: [singing] ...let me feed from the durian of your heart...
    ;Of course they need to be fleshed out a bit, but as you can see there's some
    excellent:seed material there. Why these words beg to be set to dueling

    The Final Frontier


    Lyrics: Casey B

    Arrangement: Casey B

    (Original Song: A. Courage)

    This one's fairly self-explanatory.

    Love is the final frontier, a brave and exciting idea; the feeling is indubitably true, though the logic's unclear.

    I know love uncovers your soul, of your heart surrenders control; it turns friendships to duels, princes to fools, it can swallow you whole.

    So how, in the face of it now, can I cope with my heartbeat in rhythm with yours?

    Why, with my logical mind, can I no longer point out its rational flaws?

    This must be evidence of a much greater force from above that so compels me to go where I've not gone (before): boldly falling in love, boldly falling in love.